I had a few long relationships that ended in my time. I learned what to expect and what is needed. Here are some things that make the process easier, based on my personal experience.

Accept the mess.

There will be stages of grief, they say. Emotional mess. You also might need to get rid of unwanted items from that past life, like a wedding gown. There might be announcements and conversations to inform people about the split. You might need to negotiate assets or parenting arrangements. Or it could be a neat, quick end, suddenly never interacting with the former loved one ever again. You may still live, work or socialise in the same spaces. However the split happens, it can be messy. Let that phase happen if it is inevitable.

Learn about the reality of modern dating.

Maybe everybody knows this already, but here’s a wake-up call for anyone who has been in a safe relationship bubble. Get ready for the bubble to burst. Let’s tell it how it is. There are some lovely people with good intentions. Some people are honest about their shallow standards. Others seem reliable but don’t care about your needs. This is especially true in online dating.

Empower yourself with modern knowledge about the dating landscape and strategies to prioritise your needs. Everyone should learn from coaches such as Matthew Hussey, Lisa Bilyeu and Stefanos Sifandos. Whether you are ready to go wild or calmly connect, get informed and empowered to pursue better experiences. I won’t say you can fully protect yourself from the emotional rollercoaster. You can at least communicate standards.

Do things alone and enjoy it

Every newly solo person needs an Eat, Pray, Love journey. You need to gradually get comfortable with doing things on your own. Date yourself. See a movie alone. Eat a nice meal at a table for one. Although you can bring friends along, you might have become used to going out with a romantic partner. Having fun without bringing anyone with you can encourage independence. You are enough. This can take a long time to get used to. And you don’t have always to be a party of one. But you can do this every so often to explore who you are beyond the person you used to be centred around.

Prioritise self-care and wellness

Our surroundings already don’t support wellbeing. How much more difficult is it when going through a breakup? Handling the emotional and practical aspects of parting ways with someone can take months or years. I personally found that the recovery process is slower and more messy when I don’t look after myself. Then I can feel amazing when I prioritise my needs.

Years ago, I used to assume the wellness industry was an optional luxury. It was marketed in an airbrushed glow, looking more relevant for those who could fit sample sizes. That is far from the truth. Anxiety, depression and other mental health issues are widespread in our society. People are overworked and overstimulated. The whole system can stress us out.

Eat well and get movement.

Food transforms the mind and body. We truly are what we eat. You can try to stay well after the shock of a split by eating the right foods. As I write, I feel a bit yuck after too much olive oil and peanut butter. So I compensated by blending carrot, pineapple, lemon and ginger into a drink. We don’t need to be experts to realise ultra-processed foods will muck up our minds and bodies, whereas whole plants can heal us.

I discovered the calm movement of yoga, and it got me out of my head. I gain freedom from the narratives of the past. Wonderful local teachers explain how it can also mend the nervous system. I need to balance my emotions when dealing with everyday life, let alone significant changes. If you are feeling lost after losing someone, get onto a mat. You could find one from an online second-hand marketplace or splurge on a high-quality new mat. If you can find a yoga studio with the right value and deal, it could be a supportive group of guides and like-minded people.

Sleep enough.

I personally find that my emotions and experiences seem amplified when I am deprived of sleep. It is also now widely known and proven that sleep is one of the most basic non-negotiables for health. It might be difficult to feel well when grieving the loss of a relationship. You can make it a bit easier for yourself by maintaining a settle-down routine around a regular bedtime.

Get into nature

Whether you prefer the trees or waves, nature can remind us of the wider world beyond our individual lives. It is a powerful way to gain perspective and remember there is more to life than what just happened. I like to look out at the broad horizon of water and remember that there really is more - space, possibility and opportunity.